DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Floor bacon is actually really good
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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