I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Randomize
