Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
