she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
