I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
