The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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