it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
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