found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize