dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
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