I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
