Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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