oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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