I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
