He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
