So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize