I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Do vagina's smell?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
