What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
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