Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
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