There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
