I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
