Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
