is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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