i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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