I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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