i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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