and you said cock pushups were impossible
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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