My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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