the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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