Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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