i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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