And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
