sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
