Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
