I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I believe in your delicious
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
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