I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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