Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
