just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
