omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Randomize
