I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
