My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
