I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
