It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
