the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
