wat bout pragnant strippers??
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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