Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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