Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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