you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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