Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
wow bdsm is so cute
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
