who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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