So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
