I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
