im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
