ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize