Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize