i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize