What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
