I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
