Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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