Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
