dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
he fucked my hip out of place.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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