you guys were way drunker than both of me
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Randomize
