I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
